Tag Archives: San Francisco

March 9, 2016 · 5:15 pm

Anxious Much?

I was raised by a bitical woman (bitter + critical = bitical).  That explains where I learned to fail so well but it does not explain why, equipped with this knowledge, I can’t seem to shake it off.  I ended the relationships that were so toxic and damaging to me completely when my beloved died and they (plural) saw it as an opportunity to attack me personally when I was at my lowest.  I had all but ended relationships with them before but, without my beloved protector and personal encourager, it was no longer possible to have contact with them.  That is their problem, my problem remains but is different.

I set wonderful goals with appropriate steps to complete them; good time frames and even plan outside influences to create my success.  I have great technical plans and then I fail to follow through until completion.  My big girl pants just don’t seem to stay on as long as I need them to.  I shoot myself in the foot on a regular basis and when I get close to the goal line, I fail to finish.  I have volumes of stories that have never seen the light of day. This blog is the first time I have freely let my words leave without rushing to pull them back and protect them from harm.  It is a learning experience for me and, perhaps because I have so few followers, I’ve been able to let it go and be myself.

NaNoWriMo has been a great experience for me to “turn off my inner editor” which is really a technical writer and the child of bitterness.  Coaching others to complete the 50,000 word count has helped me grow and throw out my inner bitical critic. Seven years as a staff volunteer for the San Francisco Writers Conference has provided me with healing encouragement and hundreds of success stories and relationships with people who are happy to see me when I walk into the room.

To stretch those new confidence muscles even more, I have started my own critique group and am going to submit two short stories for publication in an anthology.  It is not so important that I get accepted for publication as it is I actually submit it.  I sent one of the stories to a beta reader.  Not just any beta reader but, one I consider to be a true American hero.  He served as an Army Ranger and later as an undercover police officer.  He gave much for his country, including the life of his mother when his cover was blown.  He is quiet, humble and extremely smart.  The story deals with PTSD, a subject he is an expert on.  I highly value his opinion.

I sent the story to my friend yesterday at 5:00 p.m. and was awake most of the night.  My anxiety level was sky high.  I expected one of two things; he would read it and politely say little or nothing or attack it with a full offensive.  Neither happened.  The time stamp was 10:27 p.m. the same day and he liked it!  His wife liked it! He gave me 12 suggestions (some I should have caught if I wasn’t so anxious).

It is time for me to succeed!  I have awesome friends and an awesome God!  Now Tessa, let it go and get it done.

Worry for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6

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February 5, 2016 · 8:04 pm

Spring – Are You There?

I’ve always believed in goals but now that I am a fine and fancy widow, goals have become a critical part of my mental and emotional health.  I no longer am delighted with the love and approval reflected in my beloved’s eyes so I need to measure my own success.  This was a skill that I did not develop until I was 40.  I was not raised to believe in myself and my own success.  I was raised to always put myself last and to endure whatever was thrown at me, including fists.  Having someone believe in you can change your entire outlook on life.  I know it did for me.

I’m suffering from the early stages of spring fever.  My project list is down from 100 to 36 and I am itching to finish something.  The project list doesn’t include the new planter boxes I want or any gardening tasks! I don’t have the baseboard molding 100% done, I need a threshold and door sweep weather stripping installed and there is a 2′ x 3′ section of flooring still left to complete.  The problem is I need the big saw to complete these tasks.  It’s put up for the winter.  During the summer when the rains have passed, I leave the saw out under the awning and put it away for family get togethers.  I was going to drag it out for a few hours on Saturday but there was a light drizzle during the daylight that turned in to a rain at night.

We need the rain desperately!  One of the main NorCal water reservoirs is the Folsom Lake.  The marina has floating boat slip/docks.  They have been laying on dirt for over a year now.  We are far from being out of the water crisis but, I was so happy to see the live camera shot of floating docks!  Folsom Lake Marina Live Cam  Boats are permitted for launch starting this Saturday. Please pray for more snow in the Sierras.

FL Marina on dirt FL Marina Cam 2-5-16

Folsom Lake at capacity would mean plenty of water for the American River and all the towns between Sacramento to San Francisco.  It would mean no restricted watering.  One of the projects on the “list” is to change 1,800 sq. ft. of grass service into stamped concrete.  I removed another 400 sq. ft. from the front yard but never finished the project.  That will require some dirt excavation, a tree removal (it’s touching the roof), a walkway removal and another concrete pour.  Oh, and I’m not supposed to lift over 40 lbs. while doing it!

But the “list” is not getting any shorter, I need to accomplish something!  Arrrrgh!  My doctor said I was supposed to be kind and gentle with myself and stop beating myself up so much, to take it easy.  Raised in a performance for love environment, this is extremely hard for me even today.

I could work overtime tomorrow but I don’t think that is going to happen.  Too much goes to taxes and then there is the “list”.  The sun is supposed to shine from 6 a.m. to noon and then cloudy for the rest of the day.  President’s weekend is booked solid for the SAN FRANCISCO WRITER’S CONFERENCE (woot!) so I won’t be working on my projects then.  What’s that old saying, make hay while the sun shines or, in my case, finish something!  I can at least say my writing goals are fairly up to date.  I’ve started a local writing critique group and surrounded myself with author support. How are you sticking to your goals?

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September 30, 2015 · 6:18 pm

Bitter Fruit – Introducing – the Limequat

Limequats

Limequats

The Limequat tree is a cross between a Lime and a Kumquat or so I have been told. Why? The fruit is so bitter that it will numb your mouth, your tongue or any other mucus membrane it touches on its way down to your stomach. If you don’t throw up first. Just nasty. I have found no known use for this prolific fruit.

Contrast that with the very sweet fruit I tasted on my trip to Italy. I was very impressed with the community in Sant’ Orsola, when I visited with family a few years ago. It was my only trip, so far, and I loved it! I was loved and accepted unconditionally and it was a bit overwhelming at first. It was a happy discovery! My cousin, Paolina, and I walked through the town and up the hill on the paved road. She speaks no English and I speak very bad German and even worse Italian. She speaks Italian, Mochini and some German. It was fun to communicate with each other as she pointed out different things and gave me the Italian or Mochini words.

What was the most surprising is how the community reinvented itself to revive the economy. They have a thriving tourist economy, host sports events, and grow fruit, one among the many different types is Lemons. Yes, Lemons in the Alps. I was there during the summer but I could see the structure around the trees ready for the sheeting that would turn that section of the valley into an enormous greenhouse. Not sure how they handled the snow?

My California yard should be able to grow just about anything. I have a pretty little tree that produces fruit like crazy. The only problem is I have not been able to find a single use for the fruit.   A co-worker didn’t believe me so I brought some in. He tried it, only to spit it quickly into the trash and say; that’s just nasty! I told him it was.

So the nasty tree is at the bottom of my epic to do list. The list was at 75 items at the time of my beloved’s death and I have managed to whack it down to 34. The easy stuff is done, can I call the list nasty? It is certainly bitter that my beloved is not here to partner with me in finishing the list but, I am vigilant not to become bitter. I keep telling myself that I can’t retire until the list is completed It’s the journey not the destination, right! At this pace I will be 75 when that happens as I keep adding to it almost as fast as I complete items. Sigh! When is my next vacation day?

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August 4, 2014 · 9:23 pm

Changing the World – One Book at a Time

Woot! How exciting, I have been invited back to volunteer at the Writing for a Change Seminar hosted by the San Francisco Writer’s Conference. This is a smaller version of the main conference and focuses on change. The invitation is a great honor! Writing for Change is just one day and is limited to 100 attendees while the President’s weekend event hosts over 600 participants, vendors, editors, agents and volunteers.

The attendees are all over the map in style, subject and beliefs. I LOVE IT! Some are a little rigid in their beliefs and express them almost as if you have no right to believe anything else, their passion shows. I don’t find it offensive at all and you do have the right to not engage those individuals in a conversation but then you miss out on the experience. The setting is professional and I enjoy hearing about other writer’s projects and especially about those the writer is passionate about. I’ve learned so many new things in the few years I have been attending.

I feel especially honored to be one of the very few volunteers invited back to help. To quote their website: “The theme of the conference is “Changing the World One Book at a Time,” and the goal is to encompass business, politics, technology, social issues, the environment, culture, the law, and much more.” The keynoter this year is Adam Hochschild, author of To End All Wars: A Story of Loyalty and Rebellion 1914 – 1918. Check out the other speakers at:

https://sfwriters.org/writing-for-change-registration/

Follow Michael Larsen’s blog for writing tips, he has so much energy! http://sfwriters.org/blog/

September 6, 2014 is just around the corner!

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July 7, 2014 · 11:00 pm

National Novel Writing Month is Coming this November

Last year was my first year at the on-line writer’s word frenzy known as National Novel Writing Month.  It reaches across the United States to almost every part of the globe.  I didn’t quite make the 50,000 word count but did end with a smashing 30,000!  This year I am going for it again!  I have a few ideas for the 50K but I haven’t decided on the winning project yet!

One of the really fun things about the event is the Night of Writing Dangerously, November 16th at the fabulous Julia Morgan Ballroom in San Francisco.  We bring our laptops and plug in for word sprints, word wars and the famous candy bar.  Please consider sponsoring me for this non-profit, tax deductible event.  The funds support writers and the young writers program.

Read more about it at my fundraising page:

http://www.stayclassy.org/TessaBertoldi

Thank you all for your time!

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January 23, 2014 · 6:24 pm

Let the Writing Begin!

Mark HopkinsI am still pushing through the extreme lack of energy after being ill. But, there is one event I would not want to miss. It’s time for the annual San Francisco Writer’s Conference, I understand there are only about 50 slots left.
This year NoViolet Bulawayo (We Need New Names), Julie Kagawa (The Iron Fey series), Rhys Bowen, (Molly Murphy Mysteries), Barry Eisler (Rain/Treven series), Chitra Divakaruni (Mistress of Spices) and Dan Millman (Peaceful Warrior) will be Featured Speakers. The director’s are all wonderful but Michael Larsen always has the most energy and punniest jokes.  In addition, over 100 other authors, agents, editors and publishers will be there. Many favorites will be back as well. The conference asks attendees to review the event and the contributors that earn great reviews are often asked back.

The InterContinental Mark Hopkins is a grand dame that sits on top of San Francisco’s Nob Hill. It was built on the site of the original Mark Hopkins mansion which survived the 1906 earthquake, but not the three day fire that ravaged the city afterwards. Lovers from around the world travel to the Top of the Mark lounge to view the city through its glass walls, my parents included!

I will be at the SFO Writer’s Conference as part of the volunteer staff. SFO is the city of my birth and a short drive in for me. I can’t decide if I want to check-in to the hotel or drive in each day. I’ve posted for either a roommate or a car pooler, we will see what happens.

This event always gets my writing flowing and energizes me. I’m especially excited this year because I have asked to staff Grant Faulkner‘s session. Grant is the executive director of the National Novel Writing Month and the founding editor of 100 Word Story. I attended the “Night of Writing Dangerously” this year at the beautiful Julia Morgan Ballroom. Can you say, “I NaNoWriMo?”

Check it out! SFWriters.org This year the conference is bigger than ever.  Please check back for a post after the President’s Weekend event.

 

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