June 20, 2015 · 9:54 pm

Flooring…now the nasty

press on madness

This is what I started with, sans carpet.  Nasty, discolored old press-on tiles on top of some pretty heavy duty industrial glue.  The cross hatch marks on the floor is where the dirt and debris accumulated.  Even the tiles that appeared to be perfectly attached to the concrete slab were framed in filth.  I have tried everything to remove these tiles.  The best method has been hot water and elbow grease.  I loosen up the edges with the knife and pour boiling hot water over the whole tile and into the edges.  Then I practice patience and s l o w l y pull up the edges.  I try to grab the ones furthest from me so I can use my body weight to lean back and s l o w l y pull up the tile.  If I try to go fast they come up in pieces, sometimes in little bitty ones.  I can’t believe that I tolerated these tiles as long as I did!

I don’t consider myself to be a dirty person and I cleaned my floors once a week.  The new sections that have completed hardwood need dry mopping about every other day.  Bad that I have to swipe them down, good for my allergies.  I can’t believe how much stuff would have been in the carpet.  It’s a bit of a gross out for me, especially when I think about all the family that once lived in the house, plus all the pets.  I only have one short haired cat now and there seems to be cat hair everywhere.  (The chickens don’t understand why they can’t come in the house, the answer is still no!) The dry mopping/sweeping only takes a quick few minutes and is light and easy.  Not like lugging around a vacuum cleaner.  I don’t mind the frequency and my health has improved already!

The kitchen floor is going to be a separate project since I can kind of section it off from the rest of the open floor plan.  I am officially two thirds complete on the rest of the floor, not counting the molding.

I am going to love this new floor!  Keep on flooring, keep on flooring, keep on flooring………..

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June 19, 2015 · 11:24 pm

Keep on Flooring

flooring

So what do you do with a 55 plus year old widowed granny.  Put her to work on the chain gang installing flooring!  I am my own taskmaster and the end to this epic 1,300 sq. ft. project is on the horizon but not quite in sight.

It all began back in October when I completed my research on what type of flooring I wanted.  I decided on a sustainable product that was readily available and on sale.  I ordered it from my local big box store in person and oopsie the store employee checked the wrong box.  It was an easy mistake, I wanted click lock and not solid.  Arrgh, it took multiple managers and three months to correct the mistake.  I received the flooring in mid January and had to put the project on hold for my daughter’s wedding.  Needless to say I was not happy to celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s as well as wedding festivities on an ugly slab of concrete!

I have officially passed the halfway point and am almost to two thirds.  Yea me!  I go home from work almost every night and try to do 2-3 rows of installation.  I usually have a quick lay down of thirty minutes to relax and detox from the stress of the day first, grab a bite for dinner and then get cracking!

It is not especially hard work and I occasionally have help from a friend who has even more trouble getting up and down than I do.  Fortunately DaHve has the experience of being a retired contractor.  The daughter has dropped in a time or two to swing the rubber hammer as well as one or two grands.  Almost everyone has had a small hand in this project.  My “son” ish and his wife as well as 4 of their children did all the carpet tear out for which I am soooo thankful.  That was a dirty awkward job I am glad I did not have to lift a hand for.

Soon my floor will be this beautiful expanse of wall to wall bamboo!  I can’t wait.

If I can do it, you can too!

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June 19, 2015 · 8:55 pm

Broken

system failure

I haven’t posted in a few months and have spent my energy recovering after mono and strep.  I am back to work and have built up enough stamina to do one or two activities after I get home.  I take care of the fur and feather needs, my own nutrition and then try to lay some more flooring.  I usually manage two or three rows of boards before something starts to ache or I just run out of energy. I’m tackling 1,300 sq. ft. of flooring one row at a time! It will get done just not fast!  I have not planted a single vegetable in the garden either.

While my body may be slightly worn down, my heart is absolutely broken.  I cannot help someone who does not see the problem and we all know that “fixing” someone else’s problems is at best hypocritical and condescending and is not healthy behavior.  I do not want the responsibility for controlling or making someone else’s choices.  That being said, I cannot keep the tears from falling.

I have met a young mother of three, I will name her Phoenix here.  Phoenix comes from the most heartbreaking childhood that was splashed across inter-national media when the details became known.  Both of her biological parents are now in jail, her mother for at least 15 years and her father on consecutive life sentences.  I am grateful they are out of their now adult children’s lives but the terror and havoc they wrecked still continues as it is ingrained into their very DNA after so many years of continual abuse.  Because all of the victims involved are “aged out” and poor, they have exhausted all social services has to offer.

The father of Phoenix’s three children also comes from an extremely dysfunctional home that barely borders on legal behavior.  Phoenix looks to me as a mom figure because we are both domestic violence survivors.  I have made my own personal success my revenge and for years my mantra was “living well is the best revenge”.  I caught on early in my recovery days that getting even or snarky would only further hurt me and not the person I wanted to hurt.  I let it go, it was squealing like a piglet when I let go, but I was able to do it.

Phoenix has been to counseling, she has overcome so much.  But, this family is trapped in an economic cycle of poverty.  It is like trying to scale the wall of the Grand Canyon without climbing gear.  She doesn’t even know she can climb much less what a carabiner, harness, belay or an ascender is.  Telling her she can climb makes no impact on her.  Opportunities have presented themselves to her in the last few weeks but she does not take advantage of them.  Phoenix professes she is not afraid of the opportunities, just not interested.  She does not see a better way of life for herself and her family.

You have heard of the Stockholm Syndrome where the captive begins to love the captor.  Similarly, Phoenix is trapped in extreme poverty and poor living conditions because she cannot see the opportunities or where it will take her.  Where she is at now is better than before.  She passes on opportunities because she cannot see how they will benefit her future and presents indifference to the world.  It is possible that she just does not believe she could be successful and it may even be mixed up with some survivor guilt.  It would take a full time team of psychologists to unravel this depth of damage.

At times like this, I truly miss my beloved.  He understood this so well.  He came from this type of horror but moved past it.  He loved me in spite of my own past. He would know what to say to comfort as well as to motivate someone to invest in themselves.  He could convince people into believing in themselves because he could share his own story in a way that gave them hope.

Please pray for me as I make myself available to Phoenix when and if she ever decides to take the next step.  Please pray for Phoenix, her partner and their three children.  Pray that I will remember to love her in a healthy way in the hope that she will someday see better choices and opportunities.

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December 11, 2014 · 11:15 pm

Chicken Surgery – Could You?

When I think about doing surgery on a chicken I think chicken breast filet, not sewing one up!  I have butchered (or harvested for you gentler souls) many a chicken growing up.  We raised them for food.  Our eggs did not come out of a Styrofoam container that went to the landfill.  They came fresh from the hen house every day.  I would collect them from the nesting boxes and they would still be warm.

My current brood consists of two White Leghorns, two Great Blacks and one Rhode Island Red.  The chickens were a solution to a lawn mite problem I had.  I do not want to use any harmful pesticides or herbicides that might harm my bee hives.  When my daughter asked for chickens I immediately thought, no more bugs!  My yard is completely fenced and there is plenty of room for the birds to roam and not get bored to destructive behaviors.  The chickens became my Integrated Pest Management System, sans chemicals!

My bedroom is the closest to the hen house and I can tell the difference between happy chickens and a viscous attack.  It was late at night a week ago and I had already gone to bed.  The almost newlyweds were finishing up a movie in the den.  The chickens sounded the alarm and I jumped out of bed and yelled down the hall while I grabbed my robe and flip flops.  We keep a couple of mag lights on hand for emergencies (a must in the prep department) and we grabbed them and ran out to the hen house.  My daughter grabbed a rake on her way.

The hen house is constructed so a lady of a certain age can easily take care of the egg collection and house maintenance.  The nesting boxes are in the front and the roosting bars are in the back.  The front half wall lifts up for easy egg collection.  The right side wall drops down and will slope into a wheelbarrow or 5 gallon bucket for fertilizer collection.  My daughter, who jumps and squeals at the sight of a spider, was leaning into the hen house and beating an opossum when I reached them.  The poor opossum never had a chance.  He was caught in the act of holding Emily Rose by the drumsticks and biting her back with his long teeth!

A word about opossums: they are mean and will attack anything when sick or threatened, they have long teeth and sharp claws, they carry diseases like rabies and they are blind in bright light.  You should stay away from them as they will attack you.  (And yes, I have seen a rabid opossum!)  An aggressive opossum is either threatened or sick.  They don’t normally dine on live chickens.

My timid daughter was beating the opossum off her chicken with the rake handle with all her might.  I left them to go back to the safe and pick up an opossum equalizer.  I encouraged him to meet his maker and turned around to find my daughter holding Emily Rose and crying her eyes out.  Mister disposed of the offending aggressor while I outlined daughter’s options.  Because Emily Rose was attacked by a possibly diseased animal, we can’t eat her.  (loud sobbing)  I could put her out of her pain quickly (louder sobbing).  We could take her to a vet (something I hated to say due to the cost) or, she could use that $50,000 per med education I paid for to try and stitch her up herself. (after my initial examination to determine survivability)

She voted to un-filet the chicken.  Out came the first aid supplies and the Lidocaine that I had left over from my round of strep throat.  Trim the feathers, 15 minutes.  Clean out the debris, 1 hour.  Hands shaking relief, 15 minutes.  Sewing, 1 hour.  Mister held Emily Rose down with his mighty hands and whispered sweet nothings to soothe her.  I was the surgical nurse and threaded silk thread through beading needles, the smallest I had, and made sure the area was sterile.  It was an exhausting two hours, physically and emotionally.  The surgeon had to stop and wipe the tears from her eyes occasionally. What I thought was an above-average amount of medical supplies was sadly depleted in one episode. The injury was severe but certainly not bloody. If this had been a human injury, there would have been much more blood loss.

I am happy to say Emily Rose only spent two days in the CCU (chicken care unit, aka bathtub).  She quickly moved up to a cardboard box and the third day was ready to rejoin her sisters.  Her first day outside was stressful and she needed to spend the night back in the CCU, strictly because she has no feathers on her backside to keep her warm and the hen house was looking way too scary.  The second night she decided the hen house was looking better and she put herself to bed.

Daughter has added much more bio material to the nest boxes so Emily Rose can snuggle down and keep warm.  Chickens give off a lot of heat!

Lessons learned:

  1. Don’t let any waste accumulate, it attracts predators.
  2. Don’t get emotionally attached to your food.
  3. I don’t have enough medical supplies.

 

 

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December 11, 2014 · 12:32 am

Lagging Energy? Take Baby Steps!

I survived my duel with mono and strep as well as the National Novel Writing Month. Yes, I hit the 50K word count goal but, no, my energy level is not back up to par. I’m o.k. with it taking a little longer to rebound since I am sleeping well and it is still the rainy season. My son-in-law has been very generous with his time and has kept my fire box stocked with wood from the outside.

I have about forty projects on my list. I have banned any additions to the list as well as a prohibition on any new starts. I managed to actually complete a project even with my lagging energy. There is a beam over my fireplace in my den that is about 10” x 12” big and runs the length of the den. It had been painted several colors through the year and the finish was nasty looking with bumps of plaster in places.

I used an orange oil based paint stripper because of the allergies my daughter suffers from.  It did not work as fast as the toxic ones do and I had to re-apply it a few times.  It did work well and I didn’t have to worry about the fumes so I was happy with the product.  My patient son-in-law busted out the big sander and went to town after the stripping phase was complete.  Have you ever held a heavy belt sander upside down, over your head for an extended period?  I tried for about 20 seconds and then called in the cavalry!  It is now stained and sealed and I love the look!

I will write a separate post about how to deal with a midnight visit from an Opossum and sew up a chicken butt.  No, we did not eat the chicken, it was an option though.

My project list for my little urban homestead was over 75 items long three years ago.  Baby Steps, just press on.  There have been many times that I was tempted to feel sorry for myself.  It doesn’t accomplish anything but one more small step in the right direction, day after day, will accomplish much.  Now it’s on to my next project, tiling the master shower, and planning for the start of the growing season. 

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October 20, 2014 · 6:32 pm

Planning for Monday Morning Success

It’s Monday and my plans for success have already been fired upon.  My stamina is low as I recover from an ugly bought of mono so I need to plan better. I carefully laid out my clothing and schedule for today.  My purse and badge were in order and by the door.  Lunch was laid out and ready to be packed.  The Keurig was ready for a push of the button.

All I had to do to get out the door was get dressed, feed the animals, push a button and pack the lunch.  I left out one little important item, my memory stick!

Pooh!  My current work in progress is on that stick.  I do have it backed up on my laptop and external storage but it is difficult to work on a piece if you don’t have it with you.  I like to shut my door and eat lunch while escaping into my current piece of fiction.  I get a great sense of accomplishment in banging out 1,000 words over my lunch hour.  It makes me happy to know I contributed to reaching my goals.

I guess I will read on my lunch instead and try to find time to write tonight.  What a horrible sacrifice, to just sit and read, I will just have to force myself.  (Dramatic sigh added for emphasis)

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October 6, 2014 · 8:45 pm

A Writer’s Listening Block

Every SFO Writer’s event I attend brings something new into my life. I spent years focused on making others successful: my husband’s business, my children’s success, my boss etc. I brought up spending more time writing with my beloved and he was all for it, he was my biggest fan. I almost stopped volunteering when he died. He used to be my beloved chauffer for the hour long drive to SFO.  It was a special “couple time” in our busy schedule and often included a special dinner. He passed away at 52 and even though he is gone, I still find strength in his belief in me as more than a Technical Writer but as a Fiction Writer as well.

My plan is to just keep writing at this point. To learn more about the craft and to position myself for success with several manuscripts in good shape before “launching” which I plan to precede retirement in 3-5 years. The better my craft, the fewer years to retirement. This year I will have written at least 120,000 words towards my own success not including my blog (while working full time, mom to grown-up kids, and a being the best grandmother). I am also building my platform! Hah, I would have thought that involved 2 x 4’s and nails a few years ago!

This is where my changing mindset has been and where it is going.  I learn new things based on where my head is so I concentrate on being open to learning new things and not experiencing a mental “hardening of the arteries”.

This year at Writing for Change I had preconceived ideas about the line-up, Nina Amir is one of the speakers again and will Karma really show up? I schooled myself to keep an open mind and go to promote literacy in the craft as a volunteer, model hospitality to the attendees and to learn three new things.

I enjoyed Adam Hochschild as a keynote speaker (To End All Wars: A Story of Loyalty and Rebellion 1914-1918), he opened my mind about writing history and how it can still touch us today. Michael Larsen always encourages writers to hold up their books and in doing so, to be their own promoter and to take themselves seriously as writers (I love his punny jokes). Jim Azevedo at Smashwords is always fun to talk to as well as some of the usual suspects like Nina Amir (The Author Training Manual). Elizabeth Pomada always brings a touch of class and kindness to any event as well as a wealth of knowledge and the editor/agent line-up was first class.

So what about the “usual suspects” specifically Nina Amir? I listen as I volunteer to keep track of the pulse of the attendees and anticipate their needs. While Nina was speaking, several of the attendees made comments about how valuable her information was. Attendees were taking notes on the handouts and making game plans. I have heard Nina speak several times on multiple topics that were value added for me but, my mind was not open to learning anything new from her, my mistake. The attendees comments helped me to listen with an ear towards learning something that will take me one step closer to success. Why had I discounted some solid advice?  I started taking notes after that and now have several pages of ideas and “next steps” towards my success. My apologies to Ms. Amir for my jaded listening skills.

This year I will miss the first few days of the annual San Francisco Writers Conference as I attend my baby’s wedding but I plan on catching the last day or two. I’m excited about my busy President’s Day Weekend 2015 and the new beginnings for those who will listen and have the courage to embrace new things!

Happy writing!

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September 30, 2014 · 10:05 pm

Mortality

Sorry for the break in posts. A few weeks ago I was arguing with God about my own mortality. The two men I have loved most in this world and who loved me, mostly unconditionally, have gone to be with their maker. (my Dad and my Beloved) I do not fear death, I do not seek it, but the fear is in the how and not the why or when. I have been very ill and the rampant infection in my throat threatened to completely close off my ability to breathe. Three trips to the emergency, $1,500.00 in co-pays, several prescriptions and a lot of sleep later, I am on the road to recovery.
Obviously, God did not see any validity in my arguments to just take me now. I have a fire insurance policy (that pre-paid free salvation plan provided by Jesus). I have a high tolerance for pain but, this was beyond my ability to handle.
I have a new understanding for the folks in my life that suffer with chronic pain. It takes a very special person to be able to function with constant severe pain.
My remodeling efforts have been put mostly on hold until I can build my immune system and stamina back up. About all I manage day to day is taking care of my own basic needs, tending the chickens (picking up the eggs) and the cats. Thank heavens the bee’s can take care of themselves for a few weeks, I’m praying the wax moths died out in the drought and won’t find them!
I wanted to finish up the cement work out front and end the mudworks. I’m 1/3 of the way through preparing the first floor for new hardwood flooring. The patio needs to be torn up (overhead is causing water damage to the wall and the cement is all cracked). I need two windows replaced and the eves cut back (head bangers). Oh, and the drainage pipe is plugged about 20′ in. That is a must before heavy rains. I guess God wants me to finish up some of these projects before I’m done with this temporary home. My daughter certainly votes for the finish category! I’m thinking broke just writing this list.
I have to constantly do something; it’s hard for me to sit still, even if I need to in order to get better. This week my main agenda will be paper destruction. Those little piles of paper that seem to collect everywhere in my house. I swear they mate and reproduce at night!

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August 21, 2014 · 11:26 pm

Words as a Comfort Food

Words as Comfort

I’m not sure where this photo came from but I snagged it from a PowerPoint that someone sent me.  It just said so much!

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August 18, 2014 · 11:35 pm

Formerly Insignificant

I am so humbled. Here I was bragging about my kids like any mother would do. I met S as a very active fetus who was strong willed even back then. J, J & M are what I call my stolen children. They came into my life as young teenagers. It was not through any active choice of my own, they were simply kids that needed some loving and I had some to spare. My beloved mentored the young men and stayed close to them until he died; he is still close to us in our hearts.
I’m not a better person by any actions of my own but, I am a better person simply by knowing these four and being allowed into their lives as they have all grown into amazing people. I am so proud of my four kids as they have grown into adulthood. They have all faced some pretty bad things but have taken the high road. I was never faced with the kinds of things they were bombarded with as children and young adults and am not sure that I would have been even a little amazing.
So…bragging comes naturally for me. Sitting somewhere in the room was a young woman who I had never met until it was time to leave. She walked up to me and tried to tell me how wonderful I was. I set her straight as gently as I could, don’t you see, it wasn’t me on the giving end; I was on the receiving end. I received all the love that should have gone to absentee parents. I, I, I,…I explained. She smiled and understood what I meant and then said something that has haunted me for several days.
“I was in high school before I understood that I mattered. One of my teachers told me. You did a good thing.”
Does that stab straight into your heart as it did mine! She is with a wonderful family now; I assumed wrongly that they were her birth family.
I see all these silly Facebook challenges all the time. Dear Reader, I challenge you to tell someone they matter this week, someone you wouldn’t normally uplift. It is such a little thing to be kind and could mean so much.

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